Family Ties
by Traycer
Summary: New Title! What if Jack and Sara never got a divorce? An AU ficlet that briefly explores their relationship.
1. He Sleeps

Author's Notes:Thanks to Lida for the inspiration. And as always, thanks go out to Diane for her help in finding my mistakes.

* * *

He is sleeping. It's rare that he sleeps so soundly, but he is and I can't find it in my heart to wake him. I won't wake him, knowing that he needs this sleep in order to heal the fever that is raging inside him. 

I watch as he breathes in and out, his chest rising and falling with each breath. His expression is serene at the moment, but I know that this could change at any time. He has wakened from nightmares in the past that have scared me with the intensity of his yells. Sometimes I can figure out what he is dreaming about and sometimes I can't, but I still pull him into my arms and hold him, knowing that he won't share those dreams with me. He would rather deal with the terrors of the night on his own, keeping me in the dark as I wonder who, and what, he dreams about.

This is the way of life that I have come to know ever since I married this man. He rarely tells me anything of his work, his past or his feelings. I accept this from him, knowing that part of the reason is that it is hard for him to express himself. He has learned from experience to keep a tight rein on his feelings, while his training and the type of work he does demands that he keeps those secrets to himself. I know that he has his secrets, but I also know that I love him and will deal with the secrets he keeps in my own way.

His skin feels hot to the touch, but I don't call the doctor. They would take him away and keep him on base for days, or weeks at a time if they knew he was sick. I know that I am selfish in keeping him here with me, but he is my husband and I hate that I am kept in the dark about his well-being when he is not with me. It's bad enough he doesn't talk to me about anything he does, where he is at when he is away on a mission, or who he is with. He will go away for days at a time, sometimes months and I sit at home, alone and scared, waiting to hear if he has survived the mission. It's lonely being the wife of Colonel Jack O'Neill, but sometimes the sacrifices are worth it.

I lay my head on his chest, listening to the beat of his heart as I find myself dwelling on the past twenty years. Jack has been a huge part of my life for the majority of those years. We've had our ups and downs, as well as many separations, but we still ended up together and I sometimes wonder what my life would have been like if it were any different.

Most of the times that we were separated were due to Jack's career in the Air Force, but I still remember the time when our son Charlie was playing with Jack's gun and accidentally shot himself with it. I close my eyes in pain as I think back on that time. Charlie survived the accident, but Jack had a hard time dealing with the guilt that had piled up on him. He and I both knew it could have been worse, but while I was just grateful my son was alive, Jack became angry and aloof, refusing to talk to me about his anger and eventually leaving Charlie and I alone as he dealt with his guilt. It took some doing on my part to convince Jack that I still loved him, but Jack had a hard time forgiving himself. I finally had to corner him in the apartment he had taken up residence in and explained to him in great detail that we needed him and that neither Charlie nor I would be happy without Jack's influence in our lives.

I lift my head from his chest as he mumbles something and I look into his face to see if he is awake. He is still asleep, but I can tell that he is restless, perhaps dreaming of whatever terror his mind has conjured up this time. "I'm here," I whisper as I reach over to caress his face. He calms down a little and I lay my head back down on his chest, worrying that I may be doing him harm in keeping him here with me.

He is sick, but I know that if I call Janet Frasier, the doctor based out of Cheyenne Mountain, she will insist that he be taken to the base and I will not be able to stay with him, in fact I won't be able to even see nor hear from him until he calls to tell me that he has survived. This is hard for me to deal with, especially since I already worry for his safety when he is on a mission. Worrying whether he will live through another sickness is hard for me, mainly because they will not tell me what the illness is.

Jack is involved in some top secret project that requires him to be gone for days, weeks and sometimes months at a time. He has often come back from those missions with an illness that I am not permitted to know about. And each time, he stays at the infirmary there on the base, a place where I am not allowed to even think about visiting. So I sit at home, waiting for a phone call from my husband to tell me he is going to live and will be home soon. As the wife of an Air Force officer, I know that one of these days there will be officers standing on my doorstep instead of the phone call, but I also know that I rarely think of that except, of course, in my own nightmares.

His chest rumbles just before he coughs and I raise my head once more to look into the face of my husband. He is so sick, but typical Jack, he doesn't tell anyone until it is too late. To him, being sick is a weakness that he can't afford to live with, so he denies it until it becomes apparent that he is not going to get better on his own. Only then will he give into the weakness of his illness and go to see Janet for a miracle cure.

Because of the nature of Jack's job, I was informed to notify Janet the minute I think Jack may be sick. Even though Jack is not the type to reveal anything to me about anything he does at work, they worry that he might inadvertently say something if he became delirious. They also hinted that Jack will sometimes be exposed to various illnesses that may not be apparent to them right away, and that it is up to me to watch for any symptoms that may indicate something is wrong. Something is definitely wrong with my husband now and I sigh as I realize that I will have to call Janet so that she can meet Jack at the infirmary.

I get comfortable again, but raise my head once more when I hear Jack call my name. "Sara," he says weakly, "What time is it?"

Turning to look at the clock, I see that it's almost 1:30 in the morning. I turn back to tell him, but I stop when I see the look on his face. He reaches out to touch my face, staring at me with such an intense look and I find that I am a little frightened. He is trying to tell me something and even after twenty years of marriage, I am at a loss as to what it is.

"It's 1:30," I tell him, smiling to let him know that everything will be okay. He continues to stare at me while he strokes my hair and I feel a lump form in my throat as the urge to cry takes over. "Jack? What is it?" I ask, as I stare into the brown eyes I have loved from the moment I first saw him.

"Did you call Janet?" he asks. I shake my head, knowing it wouldn't do me any good to lie to him. "I was laying here debating on whether I should or not."

He doesn't respond, just gives me a sad smile. I feel the tears well up in my eyes as I see that smile. He knows me too well, I realize. He knows why I didn't call. "I think you should call," he finally says, still stroking my hair.

I nod at him, unable to speak through my tears. He reaches over to wipe the tears from my cheek and I grab his hand to keep it there. I need this closeness right now, because I know that once he leaves here I will be alone again.

Jack coughs once more and I sigh as I reach for the phone. He gets up to head for the bathroom and I hear him curse as he stumbles in the dark. I close my eyes in defeat when his cursing is followed by the sounds of retching.

I am still sitting on the bed with the phone in my hand when Jack finally comes back to join me. "They will be waiting for you," I tell him, unable to keep the sadness from my voice. He hears it and he understands. I have to admit that I am grateful for that.

"It's probably just the flu," he tells me as he pulls me into a hug. "I'll be back before you know it." All I can do is nod, as I hug him back. "The last time I was sick," he says as he hugs me tighter, "Daniel and Janet both promised me that if I was to ever get sick again, they will call you at least once a day to keep you informed if I am not able to do it myself."

I find myself nodding at him again. "The hardest part is the worrying. I can't help but worry about you Jack," I tell him, as I valiantly struggle to keep from crying.

"It's just the flu," he says as he pulls back to look into my face. He is smiling at me with the smile that melts my heart into a puddle every single time and I smile back at his tactics. After twenty years of marriage, he knows just what to do to keep my spirits up.

"Just the flu," I respond. He is going away again after just coming back from wherever he has been and I try to smile bravely at him as I automatically gather his clothes for him. It's funny that even though I didn't officially join the Air Force, I'm still the soldier, bravely waiting at home for news of my husband, whether it is regarding his sickness or his well-being.

Jack stands up as he buttons his shirt, but he immediately sits back down and I just manage to catch him before he lands on the floor. He is heavy and he drags me down with him until we are both on the floor with his head in my lap. I move away only long enough to go get the phone, then come back to sit with him and hold him close as we wait for the ambulance to come take him back to the base, my tears streaming down my face while he sleeps.


	2. She Waits

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Some time ago, I posted the first part of this story which was entitled, "He Sleeps". I was surprised when several people requested that I "finish" it. At the time, I thought it was finished. :-D Anyway, I've been working on this ever since and I think it's ready to present it to you all. I won't say that this is finished either, just in case…

Since this ficlet is a companion piece to "He Sleeps", I would like to thank Lida once again for the inspiration. Her drabbles about Jack and Sara's life before the Stargate came into his life made me wonder what their life would be like if they hadn't divorced. And as always, thanks to Diane for looking for my mistakes and pointing them out so diligently.

* * *

She is waiting. I know it is hard for her to sit at home worrying and wondering where I am and if I am safe. She has told me this so many times in the past, but we both know that this is something she will have to deal with. Being married to an Air Force officer who is practically living on the front line is a hard life, and even though I don't envy her, I am very proud that she has the stamina and the determination to stay with me. 

I know that she worries and I hate it when she does that. It makes me feel so helpless. I feel helpless because I can't help her with her fears… hell, I can't even tell her what she should be afraid of. But she learned a long time ago that it wouldn't do her any good to ask and I find that I appreciate this willingness on her part to let go of the things she can't control.

Sara tries to be the brave soldier for me, but I can tell that it's a stretch for her. Her tears give her away every single time. Tears that glisten in her eyes as she smiles at me, telling me that she knows why I can't stay with her, why I have to leave her side once again.

She is waiting for me once again, but she won't have to wait long. Once I get the green light from Doc Fraiser, I am out of here and heading straight home to my family – a family that was almost torn apart by a stupid mistake on my part. And it's something that will never happen again, as far as I am concerned.

I find myself remembering that time, while I sit here waiting for the green light. I can't help the sadness that flows through me as I dwell on the horror, fear and loneliness I went through as I struggled with my guilt. My son had somehow found my gun and accidentally shot himself with it, and although he had survived it, I still can't forgive myself for putting my family into the position of having to go through the accident and the aftermath.

The sound of that gun going off in the house while I sat with my wife on the steps in front of my house will forever haunt me. I knew almost immediately what that sound meant and I ran toward the house hoping with all my heart that Charlie was still alive. He was, just barely, and my heart nearly broke into a thousand pieces when he stared up at me through his pain and his fear, telling me he was sorry for touching my gun.

I close my eyes as I sit here in the infirmary, willing the memory to go away. But it lingers and I will never forget the sight of my son lying on the floor with blood everywhere, soaking into his clothing and into the carpet as he lay there crying and begging me for forgiveness. I had told him that everything was going to be all right, as I administered basic first aid, but in my heart, I knew that his injuries were bad.

Sara called for an ambulance, then came and sat with us, her tears adding more guilt onto the burden I was carrying. That was the start of my downfall. Guilt can be a devastating emotion to deal with and I had more than my share of it building up around that accident. I'm afraid I didn't handle things too well. Thank God that Sara fought her way through the gloom and depression that was surrounding me and made me 'see the light', so to speak. Actually, she laid down the law and basically told me that I was being selfish and cold, and that I needed to accept the fact that not all accidents are my fault. Although I understood what she was telling me, this is something that I had a hard time dealing with.

A heavy sigh escapes me as I sit here in the infirmary on the bed that I had occupied for almost a week, fully dressed and ready to go. But as usual, I have to wait until I am cleared by the only person on this base who has complete power over whether I can leave this place after an illness. Doctor Janet Fraiser has this irritating habit of double checking everything just to make sure I am well enough to leave her domain. Why she doesn't believe me when I tell her I am fine is beyond me. Of course, I always tell her I am fine, so I suppose I could give her some slack on that issue, but it's still hard to have to wait like this.

"Doc?" I call out, hoping she is still within hearing distance. "Can I at least get out of this bed long enough to make a phone call?"

The woman in question comes into the room, smiling at me even as she shakes her head in exasperation. "You're not a prisoner, Colonel," she says, "You can use the one in my office on your way out of here." I can't stop the grin as I realize what she's telling me. It's about damn time, if you ask me. She apparently isn't asking me, as she smiles back and tells me, "You are officially ready to go home. But I want you to take it easy. Although the alien virus has run its course, you will still be experiencing some nausea and weakness and I don't want you scaring Sara like that again."

"Yes ma'am," I tell her. I remember all too well the night I woke up, feverish and nauseous, to find my wife worried and scared. I knew the minute that I awoke that I was going to have to make a visit with the Doc. I also knew how hard it was for Sara to make that phone call. "I didn't really think I was that sick when I went to bed that night," I add defensively.

Doc Fraiser isn't falling for my line, and I admit that I didn't really expect her to. She has known me long enough to know that I have a tendency to overlook any illnesses, hoping that they will go away, especially if the symptoms are the same as flu symptoms. But in my line of work, there is always the chance that I could bring something back through the Stargate and expose my family to an illness that I wouldn't be able to begin to tell them about. This is something I have to be more careful about in the future, and I am grateful that the Doc has decided not to remind me of this.

"I talked to her this morning and told her that you would be coming home later today," Doc Fraiser tells me. She is smiling again and I smile back, grateful that she and Sara had become great friends over the years. In fact, Sara, Janet and Samantha Carter, my second in command, have been known to come back from shopping trips with bags filled with clothes and whatever else they deemed necessary items that they just couldn't live without. Meanwhile I look at Sara's bags and wonder about the damage done to my wallet.

"Thank you for keeping her apprised of my health," I tell the Doc, hoping she understands just how important that deed really is to me. "She gets so worried and it's really hard for her to wonder if I'm going to survive whatever ails me this time."

"No problem," Janet responds softly. "Go call her, then go home," she demands and I am more than happy to oblige.

* * *

The house is quiet when I get home and I have to wonder where everyone is. "Sara?" I call out, hoping that everything is okay. I find her in the living room, asleep on the couch, and I have to smile. She is so beautiful, lying there asleep and I can't find it in my heart to wake her. I know from experience that she doesn't sleep well when she is worried. I can't count how many nights she had tossed and turned when Charlie was learning to drive. Worrying about me and this illness she was not allowed to know about had to have taken its toll on her. 

I sit down on the floor next to her, watching her as she sleeps, and I can't help but think about how much I really do love her. I have from almost the first date we had ever gone on. I was ecstatic when she agreed to marry me, and I still remember her standing up to her father and telling him in specific terms that she was marrying Jack O'Neill and that was final. Her father really didn't have any objections, he just wanted to make sure that this was what Sara really wanted. He got his answer and so did I. The fact she was so adamant strengthened my resolve to marry her.

There were many times throughout our marriage when I couldn't help but doubt her love. Charlie's accident was just one of those times. How could she love me when it was my fault our son almost died? But she did, and I smile as I remember her coming over to the apartment that I had taken to get away from the scene of my crime and telling me in that no nonsense way she has that I need to get over this and come back to her and Charlie.

Sara mumbles something in her sleep and I reach over to push the hair off her forehead, tucking the strands behind her ear. We've had our share of troubles, and I admit that most of our problems stem from my inability to talk about my feelings, but I have such a hard time expressing my thoughts, even to my wife. To this day, I'm not really sure if she understands why I left her and Charlie all those years ago, but I also know that I may never be able to effectively tell her the reason. Hopefully, she doesn't need me to try to explain it to her anymore.

Sara is like that, though. She is a very forgiving person. I'm not so sure I understand her rationality in accepting things so easily, but maybe that's why we've been able to work through the problems we've encountered along the way. She has learned to forgive me for being secretive and for my silence, as I struggle with my inability to talk about what's bothering me.

I sit contentedly, watching my wife sleep and smile at her when she opens her eyes. My smile grows wider when her eyes widen with surprise and she says, "Jack!" as she sits up and throws her arms around my neck to hug me tightly.

"Hello beautiful," I tell her, as I hug her back.

She's not about to let go right away though, so I continue to hold her as she whispers, "Welcome home," in my ear. Those two little words mean the world to me, and I hug her tighter to tell her just that.

She finally pulls back and starts her inspection with her eyes, looking for confirmation that her fears were not necessary and that I am indeed all right. She smiles at me when she finally stares into my eyes and I pull her into another quick hug. "I've missed you," I tell her honestly.

"Me too," she responds, before slapping my arm and saying, "You scared me half to death when you passed out on me. Don't you ever do that again!"

"I won't," I tell her, all the while grinning like a fool.

She grins back and we sit there holding each other, my thoughts settling on my family – the family that I had almost lost to a tragic accident. They are my world, and I find myself vowing silently that I will do anything to keep them from harm, alien or earthbound.

"Janet and Daniel told me that they kept you informed of my progress," I tell her, as I stroke her hair.

"Yes, they did" she says with a nod. "And Teal'c insisted that you and Sam were going to survive whatever was wrong with you when he came over to help Charlie practice those karate moves." She stops then, watching my face, before adding. "He's getting pretty good at it."

"Who? Teal'c?" I ask, knowing full well she is talking about Charlie.

"No, smartass," she says with a grin. I laugh at her and pull her close once again, relishing in the knowledge that she is with me. I can't help but wonder what I would do without her. Would I be a part of the Stargate program right now if she had left all those years ago?

"Will you be home for awhile?" she asks, and I turn to look at her, as I realize that her fear will never be eased.

"A few days," I tell her noncommittally. "It won't be long before I'm home again. I promise."

She sees through my ruse and gives me a brave little smile before telling me, "I'll be here waiting."

I nod at her as I hold her, knowing that she's telling me the truth. She'll be here when I get back. I find that I am grateful that I found a woman who will put up with my silence, my absence and me while she waits.

Our solitude is broken when the front door opens and my son, Charlie, rushes into the room. He stops short when he sees me, then grins before saying, "Where have you been old man?"

"Old man?" I ask, as I grin back at him.

"Yeah," he responds affectionately, "Old man. Hey, are you going to come watch me play football tonight?"

"I'll be the one sitting next to Teal'c," I just have to say. "Someone has to calm him down when you guys win."

"Think you can do it this time?" Charlie asks, while his mother rolls her eyes at the antics of the men in her life.

"Oh please," she says, as she gets up from the couch, "Teal'c is the calm one."

Charlie grins at his mother as he follows her into the kitchen, probably looking for food, while I watch them interact with each other from my spot in the living room. They are my world, I realize. I don't know if I would survive if something was to happen to them.

I shake off the gloom this thought brings. I hope I never have to find out.


End file.
